Horrors of Spider Island (1960 Germany)

Horrors of Spider Island (1960 Germany)
Ein Toter hing im Netz
Body in the Web
Girls of Spider Island
It's Hot in Paradise
The Spider's Web
A Corpse Hangs in the Web

There's simply no other option than to rate this movie 1 out of 10 but, for once in your life, DON'T let the rating be an indicator for you to skip this adorably BAD movie! In whichever version available out there in crappy movie-land, "Horrors of Spider Island" is a tremendously fun and unforgettable viewing experience! Everything you could possibly seek for in a bad Euro-exploitation effort features here, from laughable special effects over disastrous acting performances onto goofs & continuity errors that couldn't be more obvious! Originally intended as a pure sex flick, the script got altered and re-titled so many times that the whole thing eventually turned out to be something that can't be categorized as simply one genre. It's sexploitation, horror and mainly (unintentional) slapstick. We open at some sleazy guy's office, as he's recruiting young beauties to take to Singapore for a dance vacation…or something. The next scene, a totally different plane than the one they left in, crashes down in the South Pacific Ocean and – strangely enough – all the girls as well as their manager survive the accident whereas the plane's pilots & crew have mysteriously vanished. Eventually, the whole clique strands on a tropical island where they instantly forget about the tragedy the just overcame them and begin to party and sunbath. Sadly for them, the island is inhabited by one (just one!) uranium-mutated spider. This lovely critter is as big as a dog and he hasn't got any real spider-legs but cute claws that he uses in a very sophisticated way. During a nightly walk, the "spider" bites the manager and the venom sort of turns him into a ludicrous-looking crossover between a werewolf and Spiderman. Instead of killing all nine girls immediately, the monster just hangs around and the girls don't really search for the missing manager, neither. Then suddenly, a duo of adventurers arrives at the godforsaken island and the remaining 40 minutes just involve the girls arguing about who may have sex with them first. You'd almost forget that there's a monster wobbling around the island until he briefly shows up again for the totally scare-free climax. This is, simple put, one messed up and retarded little movie! Entire pieces of film just seem to be missing for no apparent reason and the sound & picture quality is downright pitiful. Most fun can be had with spotting little things that don't make the slightest bit of sense! Like the bitchy girl who parades on the beach with her new bikini even though there's nobody around to admire her beauty! Or the monster that's on the verge of grabbing a new victim by the throat but then suddenly decides not to carry on!! Whenever you're supposed to be frightened to death by the film's unbearable tension, all you'll do is laugh and reach for more beers. Anyone who claims that Edward Wood's "Bride of the Monster" and "Plan 9 from outer Space" are the worst movies ever made certainly hasn't seen this landmark in bad cinema. Get your claws on it right now!  (IMDB  Coventry)

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