Things (1989) VHS

 Things (1989) VHS

...THINGS weaves the twisted tale of Doug Drake (Doug Bunston) and his wife Susan (Patricia Sadler). Unable to conceive a child, the couple turns to the evil Dr. Lucas (Jan W. Pachul), who artificially inseminates Susan. As expected, it all turns out rather badly and Susan gives birth to a bunch of… well, things. Fear not, however, Doug's brother Don (Barry J. Gillis) and his wisecracking sidekick Fred (Bruce Roach) are on the scene, ready to drink beer, eat cheese sandwiches, and battle the ant-like things with chainsaws, flashlights, and good old old-fashioned common sense.

In 1989, most of the world remained blissfully unaware of the cinematic monstrosity that Andrew Jordan and Barry J. Gillis had unleashed via the then-thriving direct-to-video market. The fact that this film got made is in itself quite amazing, the fact that it got released borders on the miraculous. Apparently, Jordan and Gillis were somehow able to convince Intervision that THINGS cost a whopping $350,000 to make, when the actual budget was more like $35,000. Honestly, that number still seems quite a stretch, unless beer and cheese are obscenely expensive in Canada.

THINGS was filmed on Super 8. It's grainy, out of focus, badly lighted, badly acted, and just plain hard to watch. The original sound for the entire film was ruined, which led to one of the most hilariously bad and out-of-sync re-dubs in film history. There are long awkward silences, unbearable static and distortion, and, to make matters worse, Jordan and Gillis are obviously making most of the film's sound effects by mouth. The final result defies words, elevating what would have just been another bad and forgettable movie into a definitive cult classic.
(IMDB GorePolice)

 Porn star and club owner Amber Lynne shows up as a reporter who spends the entire movie sitting on a chair and reading off cue cards. The remarkable thing is that in one of her first mainstream films, the set she is on has lower production values than any porn she had appeared in. (IMDB deheor)

Amber Lynne

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